chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
