May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
