I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
