theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
