I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
false alarm, still single
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
