dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today