So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.