How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.