I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
