OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
