He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
