I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
