Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
