I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize