I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
