He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are all done wearing pants today
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