Umm I'm too high to move.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
