I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize