Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
