so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
