I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
