Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
