The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
