you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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