Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Panties = found
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