he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
