I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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