Betty ford says i'm here all night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
