the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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