It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
