went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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