I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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