I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
