i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
