Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
