if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
