I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
