Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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