you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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