I wish life had little blips of pornography
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
