Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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