His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
