Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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