You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
