She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can I color on your dick again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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