A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
