Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
