I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
