last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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