is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
