did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
