I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.