Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.