Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
  Replies (8) Good night (1046) Bad night (3317)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

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  (970): I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off http://tfl.nu/q8op
  Replies (33) Good night (7100) Bad night (807)
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  (914): View more from New York

  explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?

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  (914): explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts? http://tfl.nu/duu8
  Replies (15) Good night (4050) Bad night (936)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

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  (210): I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low. http://tfl.nu/u768
  Replies (20) Good night (1129) Bad night (6015)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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  (914): Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later? http://tfl.nu/xxzo
  Replies (20) Good night (4758) Bad night (995)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

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  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (5169) Bad night (1245)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

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  (319): We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like. http://tfl.nu/8dbs
  Replies (10) Good night (3319) Bad night (1461)
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  (562): View more from California

  at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.

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  (562): at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all. http://tfl.nu/8vyn
  Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (2896)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles

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  (204): Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles http://tfl.nu/rk9c
  Replies (13) Good night (2648) Bad night (1076)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

  (254): View more from Texas

  He's majoring in Religion

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  (254): I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka. (254): He's majoring in Religion http://tfl.nu/gx54
  Replies (9) Good night (2624) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.

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  (321): It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical. http://tfl.nu/ps02
  Replies (17) Good night (3243) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.

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  (651): It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face. http://tfl.nu/y5ia
  Replies (11) Good night (1670) Bad night (960)
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  (315): View more from New York

  And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..

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  (315): And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness.. http://tfl.nu/wnyn
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (417)
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  (818): View more from California

  in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man

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  (818): in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man http://tfl.nu/f3lt
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (317)
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  (619): View more from California

  Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo

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  (619): Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo http://tfl.nu/8t7v
  Replies (2) Good night (125) Bad night (257)

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