i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
