Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage