Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked