Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.

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(805): i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog. http://tfl.nu/tph4

Replies (3) Good night (2348) Bad night (687)
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(310): View more from California

Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.

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(310): Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask. http://tfl.nu/1jf3

Replies (8) Good night (890) Bad night (2154)
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(512): View more from Texas

did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.

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(512): did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training. http://tfl.nu/gmkx

Replies (50) Good night (3339) Bad night (1052)
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(314): View more from Missouri

so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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(314): so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for. http://tfl.nu/ue3g

Replies (16) Good night (4237) Bad night (1030)
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(217): View more from Illinois

My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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(217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you. http://tfl.nu/w1fj

Replies (26) Good night (5092) Bad night (1075)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began

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(570): 12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began http://tfl.nu/mu8u

Replies (21) Good night (5402) Bad night (1199)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

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(+44): Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night http://tfl.nu/2ujl

Replies (2) Good night (2131) Bad night (1079)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.

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(304): 1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills. http://tfl.nu/lzae

Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (686)
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(210): View more from Texas

You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'

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(210): You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive' http://tfl.nu/9ya7

Replies (4) Good night (1498) Bad night (603)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...

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(231): Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans... http://tfl.nu/n7qg

Replies (4) Good night (524) Bad night (1109)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.

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(303): Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish. http://tfl.nu/hxa3

Replies (3) Good night (1192) Bad night (511)
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(303): View more from Colorado

My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?

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(303): My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right? http://tfl.nu/xxfc

Replies (4) Good night (1278) Bad night (665)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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(978): Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman. http://tfl.nu/t3af

Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (440)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?

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(617): How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it? http://tfl.nu/hmuk

Replies (9) Good night (494) Bad night (763)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.

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(985): Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods. http://tfl.nu/ey1m

Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (356)

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