foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone