The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
