i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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