you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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