I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
