I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her vagine was all disorganized.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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