Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize