@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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