Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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