"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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