You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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