I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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