so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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