It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
