What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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