I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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