Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
