bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
