I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
