U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
