Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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