Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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