So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
