I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
