oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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