My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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