I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
