I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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