i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
