Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
