Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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