Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
