it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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