How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I touched a dick in church today
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
