Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
