another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
