I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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