I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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