the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
