Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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