The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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