In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
