I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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