whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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