worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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