so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
