Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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