when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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