Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
