Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
