There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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